eustilly's Diaryland Diary

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The Letter Series, Volume One: McDonald's

Dear McDonalds,

We need to talk. I know we don't see each other much anymore, but you have to admit that we've had some good times together in the past. Remember when I tangoed in you with my prom date in 9th grade? That night, the chicken nuggets never tasted so sweet. I will always remember that night.

However, things change. I know I have, but enough about me. Let's talk about you, Mickey D's. You've changed so much over the years. Some for the good, what with you trying to be healthier these days. I commend you for that. But I think you're going through some sort of midlife crisis. You're speech, dress, attitude, etc., all of this is trying to be something it's not-- younger. Now, I have never tried to interfere with your line of work before, but I think it's time for an intervention. Please, I beg of you. Stop the ads. Radio, tv, print-- it all must come to an end.

I thought it was mildly amusing when the girl went on a date with the "perfect" guy, but then he orders for her. Nice tie in to the dollar menu, by the way. (She's a cheap date!) But those radio ads! Damn my soul, I know most of them by heart! I'd try to avoid them, but I like waking up to the 80's station. Maybe I should write them a letter and ask them to pull you off the air, along with those Hormel Kids' Cups commercials. *shudder*

For right now, though, let's focus on you. I'd like to submit the following songs as evidence:

Item A:
Me and the girls were at McDonald's
laughing talking having fun.
Then out of nowhere this guy walks in
and I'm thinking "He's the one!"

Item B:
It's a brand new day,
looking good, feeling great.
If it was up to me I'd stay,
just trying not to be late.
I want something special,
the taste to make my DAAAYYY!

Oh, I'm sorry, it's just too shocking, too horrible to continue. Truth hurts, doesn't it McD? Now you can see why I am speaking to you now, before it gets any worse or any more children think hip-hopping over to you for a Triple Clogger Bacon Burger is a great idea.

Yay for water.

Your old friend,

Eustilly

P.S. (8/19/04) Did you not think I'd see that new commercial with the baseball game and the white guy rapping? Tricky, tricky, Mickey D's. That's it-- I hate you.

7:58 pm - 08.18.04

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